Father's Day was this past Sunday. It was my first as a father.
My dear daughter Lilly passed away on March 9, 2004. She technically has no age, as she stricken with a deadly condition known as anencephaly during the first 25 days of her existance as a cell dividing in the womb. The condition prevents proper formation of the brain, and if they make it through the birthing process, they might live for a day before they pass away. It is a cruel condition, as the child is not ever able to think or react to you...their reflexes act in overdrive because that's all they have.
There's nothing that Lori or I could have done to prevent it, which makes it hurt even more. If there was a single thing we could have done, we would have done it. But we couldn't...it's hard because you want to do something, and you can't. You're helpless.
We believe that our daughter would have done the same thing that we would have done, if we were able to think for ourselves. I know I would tell Lori to let me go, and move on with her life, and I know Lori would do the same if she was in those shoes. It's the only thing you can do as a parent is try to think what you would do if you were the child, and could truly understand what's going on.
After Lilly's passing, Tigger (Lori's cat for 11 years) began to rapidly decline in health. Two weeks later, we put Tigger down as he dropped to about 8 lbs, and looked like he was in pain. We both knew that Tigger was just trying to hang on, and he was doing so to support Lori during her pregnancy. When it ended, Tigger's plan and purpose changed. He had to move on, and go and be a friend to Lilly. He knew us, and would be able to let her know how much she was loved by her parents. He would be able to tell her about us and let her know where to look on Earth to see us. More importantly, he could show her the love that he gave us during his time here.
We have an little statue of an angel in our front garden that Lori found. It represents the daughter we never really knew, yet loved from the start. I think of her every day, and am reminded of her when I see the little angel.
Lilly, I know you'll be able to read this on your Internet terminal (they've gotta have really cool high tech gadgets where you are)...and I want you to know that your Mother and I love you very much. When my time here has passed, I look forward to really getting to know you in the life beyond this one.
Until then, just remember your Mommy and Daddy love you, and we can't wait to see you.
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